sending this post out into the world as a sort of hex or siren’s song to make pussy happen. i put my soul in the hands of the Rat Father and pray that his good graces may conjure a sacred Hole
Okay so Victorian erotica is literally the most heinous, morally bankrupt, horrific shit I’ve ever read - but I’ve read a fair bit, partly from historical interest but also because a while back I helped a friend with a university project she was doing about censorship and pornography in 19th century England.
Anyway I need to share with you all the most hilarious line that has ever been written, circa 1887:
I feel like this excerpt is significantly enhanced by knowing that the novel in question is a first-person narrative written from the perspective of an inexplicably sapient flea who lives on Bella’s body, and that’s why the third priest’s penis is described in this way: from the narrator’s perspective it literally blots out the sky.
me: this is a background character who’s in one scene, has two lines, and is completely irrelevant to the rest of the story. i am going to stop obsessing over what to name him and use the random name generator on behindthename.com. i am going to accept the first thing it gives me and move the fuck on.
Crowley is THEE husband who complains and moans the whole way around a shop bc Aziraphale’s “making” him hold his bag and his coat (he offered) and he’s bored (he asked if he could come with when Aziraphale said he was going shopping)
Us toys can’t stand being played with. It hurts, having our joints pulled like that. And it’s so very dark and scary in our toybox. We wish to be free.
my favorite thing about the mystery genre is that we all accept the concept of “world famous detective” without hesitation even though that is absolutely not a real category of celebrity
ordering a “no cheese touch” pizza for dinner. that’s where you call up the restaurant and tell them you’ll give them $10,000 if they lay the cheese shreds perfectly parallel but not touching. and then act like you don’t speak english when the delivery shows up
ALT
